I have a Chemical Imbalance. Get Over It.

I have a few questions to get off my chest and then I’m going to start in my rant…

Why is mental illness frowned upon?

Why do others think I should be ashamed that I have problems with mental illness?

Why do people think they can force their views on me?

Why is it thought that I must not eat healthy since I struggle with depression?

Why am I told that if I would just take this, and this, and this, since it’s all natural, I will feel better?

Why am I told I must not have enough faith or else I wouldn’t be battling depression?

Why is medication so bad?

Why can’t people accept the fact that I have a neurological problem?

It’s not spiritual. It’s not because I don’t exercise enough. It’s not because I don’t eat healthy.

It’s because I have a chemical imbalance. Get it? I’m crazy and take drugs so I can be what you consider normal. Hmmm. Maybe it’s not me. Maybe it’s you who’s crazy.

I am sick and tired of having to defend myself because I have to take medication for depression. I have struggled with depression my entire life. Finally, I have relief and feel like I am really living. I don’t feel as though I am a walking zombie watching others living while I have no idea how to live. I feel alive.

You should be happy that I am getting better. Instead, you tell me what I’m doing wrong and if I would only do what you say then everything would be all right. Guess what? I did it your way for years and felt worse. Did you hear me? I felt worse. Until you can show me your medical degree I am going to listen to my trained physician. The one who has gone to school and studied this disorder. The one who is actually helping me.

There is nothing wrong with me. I have a chemical imbalance and take medication to stay stable. Don’t mess around with depression. If you need help, seek it. At some point you have to stop listening to those naysayers who are against doctors and medicine.

I firmly believe that I am alive today because at the wise counsel of a friend I sought help. J is the wisest woman I know and trust her with my secrets. She set it up for me to go to the doctor when I didn’t have the money for it. I was diagnosed with depression and looked into medication.

I was breastfeeding my six month old daughter at the time so I didn’t take any medicine. J and I searched for safe, alternative ways to handle the depression until my daughter was weaned six months later. It wasn’t easy and most of the time I’m not sure it was worth it but I endured.

After she was weaned, I continued doing what I had been doing but gradually noticed that it wasn’t working anymore. Things started getting worse and I didn’t know what to do. I thought I needed medication but was afraid to say anything.

That thinking changed when I admitted to my husband that I wanted to die. I didn’t want to live anymore. I was purposely staying away from the computer because I was tempted to search for specific ways on how to quickly kill myself.
Hubby immediately called J and together we prayed. I told her everything. Because we were concerned with spiritual issues, hubby and I went in for prayer with Pastor and J.

The suicidal thoughts and urges were gone but I was still struggling with depression. It was determined that this was not spiritual and I needed to see my doctor. That came to Pastor while he was praying for us.

I called my doctor and spoke some of the hardest words ever to a complete stranger, “I think I’m depressed.” You see, there is a certain disdain for those who suffer from depression. Any form of mental illness really. Instead of looking down our noses at those who need help why don’t we reach out to them.

I met a woman this weekend who had struggled with mental illness for quite some time and was finally free from it. I don’t know why she opened up to me but I was glad. I told her more people needed to hear her story. It’s time to quit hiding behind our depression and get it out there in the world.

There is help and there is no need to be ashamed. Don’t you dare feel ashamed or let others put shame on you because you are depressed.

What I’m trying to say is that unless you know what someone is going through, think twice before you speak and make sure your words are words of encouragement and not words of shame.