September 2007

So, I made it to the airport and back. Let’s just say I had an adventure. My mom is here that’s all that counts. Only I need to get off the computer and spend some time with her. But we had a two hour car ride from the airport…doesn’t that count? Anyway, I had to get my blog fix. I needed to know what was going on with Pioneer Woman . She’s telling how she met Marlboro Man and I needed to know what was happening. (I haven’t watched a soap opera in over a decade. Give me a break. Besides this is real life!). I also needed to…well…what happened at Rocks in My Dryer? She was answering questions…well…I’m addicted to my blogs. They aren’t updated when I check my email at 6:00 or 7:00 in the morning. I had to check it this evening.

Besides, it’s not like my mom isn’t a part of this. She’s watching me from the couch…doesn’t that count as quality time spent together? Ok. Fine. I know…if hubby tried this he would SO be in trouble. Computer time does NOT equal quality time.

Well…I am off to spend quality time with mom.

So I’ve cheated the last couple of times and haven’t actually written anything important. Not that I ever write anything important, but I at least try. Well, no, that’s a lie…I don’t really try. I just sit down and type whatever comes to mind. The only time I tried to really write was when I entered the Write-Away contest.

So, okay, I’m writing…I have a blog and need to post to keep it interesting…hmmmm… Yeah…well, it’s not happening. It probably won’t happen for a couple of days since my mom is coming to visit. This is a good thing. (My mom visiting not my not posting). I would pull up some random favorite posts except…I’m new and everything is new. So, I will have to make do and warn you that I may not be posting for a couple of days.

I’m excited to see my mom except I’m also nervous. I am a very routine-oriented person and this visit will totally throw off my routine. It’s only for a short time, but I sometimes have trouble adjusting. (Look at previous post about my personality to see what I mean).

I haven’t seen my mom for two years so any change in routine is welcome even if I am witchy woman to hubby until she gets here. I think I have calmed down some…the wine helped…mostly the support and prayers of friends helped, but the wine is a close second. Actually, it’s not so much the wine…it’s the fact that I slowed down enough to try to relax. Relaxing is good.

I don’t know why I’m so stressed. It’s not like I cleaned my house top to bottom. I’m fairly good at keeping things in order (overlook the kiddos school papers). The main thing was washing the kiddos sheets and cleaning their bathroom since that is where mom is staying.

This visit should be a breeze yet I am nervous. Why? She’s my mom. I shouldn’t be nervous. Yet, I am. I’m a little girl still seeking mom’s approval. That’s silly since I know I have her approval. I know this.

On a different note, Hubby caught a cottonwood beetle this evening. We were at friends house this evening when we saw it crawling on the window. I had never seen one before and thought the kiddos would enjoy it. One of our kiddos is studying invertebrates in class and has been collecting bugs. Some of the bugs kiddo takes to school and some of the bugs kiddo keeps at home. All of the bugs are dead (except the cottonwood beetle). Some of the bugs have maggots in them. The maggots are pretty cool (as long as they are in the glass container and can’t get out). I never thought I would be excited to see maggots until the other day. When the maggots were discovered I had to save them to show hubby and kiddos. Now that the maggots have been properly seen I can throw away the jar. Forever. Although it was a good object lesson to why we always wash our hands after catching bugs and other things.

There, now that I have properly bored and grossed out all of my readers I think I shall say goodnight. I want to read some more in Demon: A Memoir by Tosca Lee before I retire for the evening. Be thinking of me this week as I am enjoying my visit with my mom.

“…private, does not appreciate strangeness, not adventurous, not spontaneous, follows the rules…”

- Jung Type Descriptions (ISTJ) (similarminds.com)

“At work, ISTJs get things done on a timely basis. They honor deadlines, and they believe in thoroughness. A half-finished joy is not a job well done. They established procedures and schedules, and are uncomfortable with those who do not do the same. ISTJs put duty before pleasure. As long as they can fulfil their responsibilities, they feel useful and thereby satisfied. Their work does not have to be fun, but it has to count toward something productive. ISTJs believe that vacations are something that one takes only when work has been accomplished; thus, at times they do not take vacations even when they could and should.”

- ISTJ - The Reliant (Lifexplore)

Yeah…big surprise there. This definitely describes me. One thing that bothers me though…as I was looking at the jobs list the only thing that interested me was Librarian.

Anyway, I find personalities interesting. I like what makes people do what they do. Although, you can not use your personality as a crutch, it is fascinating to see how people function…what makes them tick.

Just for the record…Hubby and Best Friend are not my personality type and do what they can to irritate me. For real. I think they feel it is their life long desire to keep me on my toes and make me more flexible. However, I personally think I am more flexible than BF. (I love you BF)!

Due to technical difficulties (read husband and children not leaving me alone long enough so I can think) there will not be a post this evening.

I apologize for this inconvenience…you know…to the one maybe two of you who read this.

Check back later and hopefully the difficulties will:

a) be reading or find his computer

b) be asleep

c) all of the above

Thank you for your patience.

I am in a quandary. I feel as though my kiddos are not getting the most of their education. This is not the first time I have thought this. I have had these thoughts for several years now.

I have always encouraged my kiddos to be individuals. I have been proud when they have not conformed to what others are doing. They are their own person. I love that. However, at school that is not an option. My kiddos individuality and creativity are slowly being sucked away. At one time they loved school. Now, they hate it. They don’t want to be there.

The sad thing is…I can’t blame this on the public school system. They go to a private school. A private school that prides itself on high test scores and excellent teachers. I have yet to see the high test scores and my kiddos are behind in math compared to their public school friends. (Although, their friends are above average so I shouldn’t be comparing to them.)

I have seriously considered homeschooling them for some time. I have also struggled with yanking them out of their current school and enrolling them in the closest public school. I wonder if they would fare better there? Would the school appreciate the individual in my kiddos or would they add my kiddos loathing of school?

What am I to do? At a young age, my kiddos no longer enjoy school. I was hoping to instill a love of learning in them only to find that they are having worksheets shoved down their throats. My kiddos are bored and I feel as though there is nothing I can do.

If I put them in public school and we still have difficulties then what? Homeschool? What if I fail at homeschooling? I know there are people who homeschool and will quote tons of statistics to me. I live in a homeschooling community, but for every great homeschool success story, I know of many more that have failed. Stories where the people themselves will tell me they should have never homeschooled. How am I supposed to know what to do?

I want the best for my kiddos and right now I’m not sure what that is.

I am constantly learning. It is my goal to find something in my day that I can learn from. It can be keeping a good attitude when my day doesn’t go as planned or it can be through something I have read.

I learn from life. Mostly, I learn from it’s tedious interruptions. I have observed that my attitude and how I look at situations is what makes a learning moment. For example, I can yell at the guy who just pulled out in front of me in traffic causing me to hit the brakes so that I don’t hit him. Or, I can also quietly be upset and realize I too have pulled out in front of someone thinking I had more time than I did or I didn’t see the other car. It’s not about me. I don’t own the roads and I can’t control what others are doing.

I learn from my children. They make me slow down. I have to enjoy them and their eccentrics or otherwise life is too difficult. I have fun through them. They make me be social. They make me come out of myself. Again, it’s not about me.

I learn from books. Aaaahhh, books. My passion is books. I have always loved reading. What I love about reading is what I can learn. I can go anywhere in books and learn about anything from books. I have to make myself learn from life and my children…with books, I can learn anything at any time.

Books are my life. Books are a part of me. I have always learned from books. It’s how I learn about other cultures, history, people’s lives, character traits, and so much more. From the reading of books, I am then able to pass what I have learned to my children. And pray that in turn, they are also picking up a love of learning from reading.

I want to pass a love of learning on to my children. I want them to see that if for a moment we pull out of our shells of selfishness, there are many opportunities for learning. There is so much we can learn if we will just take the moment to look for it.

Is it always easy? No, sometimes our most opportune learning comes through our mistakes or the mistakes of others. That’s one of the reasons I love reading so much. It allows me to observe others and their reactions without having to live it myself.

This post was written for Scribbit’s September Write-Away Contest.

What do you want to be when you grow up? That question has been asked of us often as we were growing up. Notice that when we hit a certain point in age, people stop asking you that question. It’s like after we hit a certain age, we are considered “grown up” and whatever life we are living then that is it. For instance, now that I am in my 30s, no one asks me what I want to be when I grow up. I guess I’m “grown up”. It doesn’t matter that I don’t think I’m grown up.

What amazes me is how people know what they want to do. Some seem to know at a young age. I knew a kid when I was growing up. He wanted to be a doctor…he’s a doctor. Others figured this out when they were in high school. A friend liked math and science…it was suggested she look into engineering…she’s an engineer…she loves it. Others found out when they were in college. Another friend was in CS in college…he confessed to someone that he enjoyed field work and office work…it was suggested he look into geology…he’s a geophysicist…he loves his job.

What I want to know is how do they know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. For every person that knew what they wanted to do there are many more who still don’t know.

What is it about our job that defines us as a person? Why do we hold so much esteem for those who have “cool” or “smart” jobs? Why is it so important? Why does our value of who we are come from our chosen profession?

Does it really matter what I do for a living? Now, don’t think for a moment that I am wallowing in self pity. I am secure in who I am and what I have chosen as my profession. I just want to know why we hold so much to what a person does for a living. Is it wrong to want to dig ditches? How about picking up trash? These are honest, hand-working jobs. These are jobs that need to be done. Are we any more or any less of a person when we want these jobs?

Where am I going with this? I don’t know. I was just thinking that after awhile we quit asking people what they want to be when they grow up. It seems as though if they are out of college, we stop asking. They are done with college, they have made their choice and that’s that. Or, say someone finishes high school and doesn’t want to go to college then we stop asking them what they want to be. The stopping point seems to end at high school. That’s the time when you should know what you want to do for the rest of your life. Most kids are 17 or 18 when they graduate high school…do they really know what they want to do? Is is fair to expect so much from them at such a young age?

What are your thoughts? I would love to have your take on this subject matter.

I love ice cream. I don’t know when my love for ice cream first started.

I do know that over the years my ice cream tastes have changed. Some have stayed the same. Such as, I don’t like ice cream sandwiches. I think the cookie part is disgusting. Yuck. I love drumsticks with nuts on top. Always have and always will. I don’t like the vanilla things on a stick that’s covered in a chocolate shell. I can tolerate them if I’m desperate, but that’s only on rare occasions. Most of the time I turn them down.

As I mentioned, my ice cream tastes have changed. As a teenager I loved Rocky Road ice cream. I’m not sure why it was my favorite considering I don’t like marshmallows. Let’s see, in my mid 20s I loved Chocolate Almond ice cream. It was my favorite until one day I was sick of it. Then, I moved to After Dinner Mint. That is until I couldn’t find it anymore. So Chocolate Chip Mint became my favorite…until I grew tired of mint. Then, at last I realized…my favorite all along was Vanilla ice cream with Hershey’s syrup.

It has probably been my favorite all along, but I suppressed it so I could have something more exotic. Vanilla with chocolate syrup is so…boring. Boring, yes, but it brings me such enjoyment.

I savor every bite when I am eating my ice cream. It is a sacred moment for me. I don’t rush it. I want to enjoy every bite and enjoy every bite I will. I try not eat my ice cream with my family because they keep interrupting me and won’t let me relax and savor the moment. They don’t see how uplifting the moment is. They don’t have the same relationship with ice cream that I do. To them it’s nothing more than a dessert. To me it’s…mine. It’s a love affair that was started at an early age and has progressed over the years.

Ice cream is the one vice I have. Ice cream is my friend. Ice cream is my lover. Ice cream is my soul mate. Ice cream will make me fat if I don’t put it in it’s proper place. Ice cream has too much of a hold on me.

I am hoping that through this confession, the bond between ice cream and myself will lessen. We will become two instead of one. I will be able to appreciate ice cream from afar and not have to have it all the time.

I’m going to miss my ice cream. We had a good thing going…for far too long. It’s time for me to say so long. Fare well. See you again, but not too soon.

Today has been a very productive Saturday. This is what I have accomplished…nothing. Absolutely nothing and I planned it that way. I take that back…I did go running this morning…but after that I did nothing.

Saturdays are my day of rest. The rest of the week is busy with children, school, household duties…everything. Sunday is church day and it doesn’t matter what you think…Sundays are not restful. Now, I enjoy my Sundays. I love going to church and corporately praising and worshiping God with my church family, however, it is not relaxing. Maybe it is more relaxing when you don’t have children to get ready for church, but I’m not there in my time of life. I am here. Sundays are not relaxing.

So my day of rest is Saturday. AAAAAHHHHH! It’s so nice and peaceful. It’s even more peaceful since the kiddos are at their grandparents and hub is asleep on the floor and dog is asleep in the kitchen. Such a rare moment of bliss. Heaven. So nice and quiet. Silence. I love it. It’s almost like taking a relaxing bubble bath…except I’m at the computer instead…although, in my head I am taking a hot, relaxing bubble bath and reading a book.

Speaking of which, the book I am reading now is Demon by Tosca Lee. Wow! I am loving this book. It is making me open my mind. For some reason, I have a view of what heaven, angels, demons, and whatnot should be…this book is challenging that. I know several people who will not open their minds to enjoy this work of fiction. That is sad because this book is truly wonderful. On the other hand, I have several friends who are patiently waiting for me to finish this so that they may read it and we can discuss it.

Enough about my musing of nothingness to do. Enough about my books. I am going to go back to nothing and enjoy every minute of it because eventually my kiddos will be home and my hub and dog will wake up.